Bubbe's Place: Stories

Stones On Grave Sites - How Strange

Papa marched on ahead reading the names on the tombstones. Mama and I followed at a slower pace. We talked quietly as we followed Papa.

"Mama, when I have been in Christian cemeteries, I see that they often have bronze vases that they put flowers in. And near a child's grave, I have seen that they leave toys. Why do we put stones on a grave? What kind of decoration or memorial is that?"

Mama laughed and replied, "We put stones on graves because our parents did." Then she grew serious and told me that there were several explanations. "I gave you one simple reason and the second simple reason that is given is that the stone is left to show that someone remembered and visited the grave. Of course the caretakers take away our stones when they cut the grass, and I really don't think the dead care or count the number of stones anyway.

"Some scholars explain the custom in other ways. In the old days we were a dessert people and everyone put a stone on the grave to make a cairn. People were buried were they died and not in cemeteries. A cairn would help you find the gravesite in the future. In those times the stones kept wild animals, shamans and false priests away from our dead. I think I remember reading a midrash (Rabbinical story) that said that each of Jacob's sons put a stone on Rachel's grave to make her tomb. These ancient memories may be why we still put stones on graves.

"Of course in medieval times Jews, like their neighbors, believed in ghosts or as we say in Yiddish dybbuks. Superstitious people put stones on graves to keep the dybbuks from escaping out of the grave to haunt their living relatives. "Personally I like to think of it as adding a tribute, as helping to build a monument to the deceased. Therefore I only put stones on the graves of people I loved and/or respected. I never put a stone on the Fetter Beryl's (Uncle Benny's) grave!

"Hurry now. Papa is calling us. I wonder who he found this time?"