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A Modern Midrash About Mrs. Noah

When Noah lived on the earth the world was not a quiet place nor was it a good place. People were so very busy gossiping and jabbering that they could not even hear their own hearts. When their children and their old people cried, they could barely hear them above their own loud blather-chatter. God tried to talk to the people of the world. They could not; they would not hear God's words. Noah was unlike most people. He was a quiet man. He looked and he listened. He saw that people were so interested in themselves that they didn't listen to anyone else. He saw that they really didn't care about other people. He heard that the word people used most often was "I". He saw that people were not taking care of their beautiful world. They rarely tended their gardens. They threw their trash around. They dirtied their streams and rivers. And Noah… Noah didn't do any of those things. And Noah…Noah said nothing. Then God spoke to Noah. Noah listened to God and did all that God asked. God told Noah to build a huge boat. And Noah did as God asked. God told Noah to gather pairs of all the animals on the earth. And Noah did as God asked. God told Noah to take the animals on the boat (ark). And Noah did as God asked. Now God asked Noah, "Do you want to ask me or tell me something?" And Noah asked God if he could take his family on board the boat when the rains came. And God said, "yes." Mrs. Noah wasn't as quiet as Noah and Mrs. Noah wasn't as noisy as her neighbors. In the beginning when Mrs. Noah heard her husband talking to the skies, she started to worry. She asked Noah why he was talking to himself. He told her that he was not talking to himself, but that he was talking with God. When she asked him what God was saying, he told her that God was angry with the people and was going to send rain and storms to punish the people of the earth. Now Mrs. Noah began to really worry. She said, "Noah, stop talking with God. The neighbors will think you are out of your mind. Noah, don't tell anyone that the earth will be flooded. Let's keep this as our very own secret." Noah refused to stop talking with God. Noah told his wife to be quiet and to listen carefully and she would hear God. She tried, but she could never quite hear what God was saying. This however did not prevent Mrs. Noah from speaking to God. First Mrs. Noah asked God if she could bring pairs of flowers and bushes and trees on the ark. And God said, "Yes." Then she asked if she if she could bring aboard pairs of vegetables and grass and even weeds. And God said, "Yes." Now that God had agreed to two of her requests, Mrs. Noah lost her fear of God. Now she began a long-long list of things and people she wanted to invite on the cruise with her and God and Noah. She wanted to take her good teapot and cups. It would be chilly and they would all enjoy a spot of hot tea. She had to bring all of her relatives and some of her neighbors. She would need to invite a number of her acquaintances too. Noah tried to shush her. He nudged her to no avail. Mrs. Noah did not think that her list was excessive. After all God had invited all of the animals. God found room for even slimy ugly animals. If God could do that, then she could be generous too and invite all her acquaintances. Mrs. Noah did not notice that God was beginning to grumble. She did not hear the thunder rumbling. She did not notice that God was getting hot under the collar. She did not see the giant lightening flashes. On and on she prattled. Finally God thundered, "Woman be silent! You ask too much!" As usual Mrs. Noah did not listen to God. And you know what God does to women who do not listen! God turned her into a pillar of salt. And that is why all he oceans of the world are salty.