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An Old Letter

I was cleaning out a drawer in my desk and I found an old hand written letter that I wrote 10 years ago. Monday February 7th 1994 The last of the Bar Mitzvah guests left this morning. We are partied out and faced with a gigantic clean up project. Oh well we will start on that when we return to earth from cloud nine. This was a wonderful Bar Mitzvah…all that I hoped and dreamed it would be. I don't remember when Tory and David began to prepare, but I bought a new dress ten months before the big day! And five months before the Bar Mitzvah, while I was in Israel, I bought three beautiful talesim in Mea Sherim, Jerusalem. I bought one for the Bar Mitzvah, Aaron, and one for his father, and one for his grandfather. While I was in Bat Yam, Israel, my sister Mat and I plotted and sketched out four posters for house decorations. Then when I got home I began work on centerpieces. In addition Obby and I went to services every Friday evening and Saturday morning. We practiced reading Hebrew. We read books about Bar Mitzvah, on how to pray, and on Jewish tradition, etc. etc. After all we didn't want to embarrass our grandson. And most importantly, we drove Aaron to his Hebrew lessons. And just maybe, this was our most important contribution, we did not suggest or advise Tory and David about what they should do. We remembered and respected the fact that it was their son and their special occasion. Tory and David wanted a more traditional Bar Mitzvah. This is not so easy in a little synagogue in a college town that has no rabbi and no cantor. It calls for a lot of " do it yourself" and they too began to prepare. A wonderful woman, Sylvia Scholnick, helped us all. She was Aaron's Hebrew teacher and Bar Mitzvah tutor. She also helped Tory and David prepare for the big day. Friday night Aaron led the entire service. Everyone was impressed with his knowledge, his command of Hebrew, and his poise. The big test, of course, was Saturday morning. Although he was capable of leading the entire service, his parents decided it might be too much, so he took over from the maftir to the conclusion of the services. David and Tory had to be proud of their son. I too kvelled. I was proud of Aaron and I was very proud of my son and his wife. Tory read, chanted the first portion from the Torah. David chanted the next four potions from the Torah. Sylvia chanted one more portion. Aaron chanted the last portion [the maftir] and then he did the Haftorah [a reading from the prophets]. David tells me that it is hard to read from the Torah because there are no vowels, no trop [Musical notation], and worst of all there is no punctuation. That's right. There are no periods or commas etc. He says that when he gets started he wants to keep going and forgets to stop at the end of each portion. Aaron's Bar Mitzvah speech was a davar Torah, an explanation, and an exploration of the Torah portion. It was obvious to me that he wrote it himself. It was excellent and insightful. He is a very talented young man. His speech was the sermon. Then there was a brief pause for his parent's blessing and his mother's tears, and a gift from the congregation. Then Aaron again led the congregation in returning the Torah to the ark and in the concluding Musaf prayers. Tory and David hosted a luncheon for all the guests. Since they are not orthodox, in their eyes it was appropriate to have Jewish music between courses and after lunch. David played the accordion. Aunt Ethel and cousin Benny sang a Yiddish song that my mother loved. We danced a few horas and my nieces and nephews and cousins joined Obby and I and our children in dancing the Russian Sher. It takes four couples to form each square. The best compliments…two ladies [Jewish women] told Tory that they had never been to such a Jewish Bar Mitzvah! One little girl whispered to her Dad, "I know I have two grandmothers, but if I can have a third one, I'd choose Flo!" In our excitement, Obby and I insisted that all out of town guests, who arrived early enough, must join us in our home for a real Shabbat dinner. We had 39 people for a sit down dinner and we still got to synagogue on time. [I remember that I mopped the kitchen floor when I got home from services that night.] Saturday night we served a buffet dinner to fifty guests who came from Philadelphia, Buffalo, Penn State, Florida, Washington D.C., Pitman, N.J. Asbury Park and even California, and Colorado too. That too was a wonderful evening. David's generation was there in force, showing off children, and talking and talking. Aaron's Bar Mitzvah is the first in the new generation. The folks of my generation were few. As we age it gets harder and harder to travel. We, the older generation talked of other Bar mitzvoth and other beryes, my mother and her sisters. We'll rest a year and then we can get busy preparing for Joel's Bar Mitzvah. Oops wait a minute! There will be another very big celebration before Joel's Bar Mitzvah. Tory and David will have another child in June. [He came in May.] The doctors have assured them that it will be another boy so we can look forward to three more Gussman Bar Mitzvot. The Wiseman grandchildren had such a wonderful time in Flo's toy room, and in the woods, and on the lake behind Tory and David's house, that they all want to come to the "Gussman Camp" this summer. Their mothers want to come too because of the great out-let shopping on route 60. Stacy [Neil's wife] took David's scull [racing boat] out on the lake for a quick spin. Now she wants a scull too. The exploring of woods, water, and malls took place after Sunday brunch at Tory and David's house. By late afternoon most folks were on their way home. The last seven left this morning. Oh how I wish that my parents could have lived to share this celebration with us. My father lived with us here in Virginia for a few years. He shared with us many Shabbat dinners and several sedurim. He saw how Tory and David were raising their sons. He would watch quietly and then when we were alone, he would tell me that the tradition was safe for at least three more generations. It would surely continue in our family for at least three generations. Don't tell me about your Jewish grandparents. It is much better if you can tell me about your Jewish eynichlach [grandchildren] and ureynichlach [great grandchildren]. I am glad that I found this letter. I enjoy remembering. I can't believe all the meals that I served. Sam is ten now. When his turn comes, I'll do the same, but I'll hire a caterer.