Bubbe tells great stories. Her stories are one-of-a-kind and universal. She knows where we came from and where we are. She knows how we are all related to one another. She knows whom everyone is named for. She knows your parents (better than you do). She knows the saints and the sinners.
Bubbe knows all the gossip. She knows where the bodies are buried. She buried some. She knows why Uncle Izzy couldn't be seated at the same table as Aunt Feigie at your bar mitzvah. Bubbe can teach you how to hold a grudge for decades.
As my Bubbe always said, “I don't hold a grudge but I never forget”.
Bubbe speaks many languages. Once, we were lost in East Jerusalem looking for the famous Jerusalem Pottery shop. I messed up the directions and wanted to start again at the Damascus Gate. Bubbe struck up a conversation in French with an Arabic Bubbe who took us right to the store. I asked her when she learned to speak French. She said, “Don't be silly. Everyone speaks a little French”. Another time we were looking for a noodle shop in Beijing. We were hopelessly lost. She asked directions from a Chinese Bubbe in Russian. They quickly discovered they both had grandsons the same age. We were escorted to the noodle shop and had a wonderful meal ordered for us. I asked her where she learned to speak Russian. She said, “Don't be silly. Everyone speaks a little Russian.“
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Nosh
Bubbe knows the recipes that go with the holidays. Bubbe knows how to kill a carp that was swimming in the bathtub to make gefilte fish. She knows all the food groups: Dairy, Meat, Pareve, and Treyf. She knows which rules go with which food group and when the rules can be suspended without serious consequence.
She is kind and will not make a fuss when Cousin Abigail, the convert, messes up and brings buttered rolls to the Seder (Oops, they fell when I was putting them in a basket and the dog gulped them down). She always spills her wine on the tablecloth first so when a guest spills (and they always do) the guest is not embarrassed. She knows that all holiday dinners contain some version of chicken, brisket, or flounder.
Bubbe has every cooking utensil ever invented. Actually, she has two of each and she will give you one if you want it. She has her mother's kitchen shears from 100 years ago where all of the enamel has been chipped off and can only be used for chicken dismemberment. She has five kinds of whisks. She can hone knives with a steel rod. She knows recipes of extinct foods that no one born in America or born in the 20th Century would ever consider eating. Bubbe can ignore the presence of shrimp in an egg roll to the point where it is rendered invisible and imperceptible. She can make an incredible piecrust never having meet lard in her life.
She can tell you what to substitute for missing ingredients no matter what recipe you are making. Bubbe always has your favorite candy on hand. You never leave her home hungry. You will always leave with leftovers wrapped in foil.
She remembers menus from 40 years ago. She remembers the Thanksgiving in 1963 when Cousin Channah cooked a turkey that wasn't completely thawed and almost poisoned all of us. She remembers the cousins who ran out of food at Sophie's engagement party because they were pretending to be ”gourmet“. She knows that Uncle Mendel got appendicitis from eating bacon.
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